you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
