all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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