I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We need to rekindle our bromance
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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