dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
