I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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