you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
