During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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