She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
