i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
