i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize