I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
