do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
