peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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