yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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