Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
