I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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