I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
