It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
