I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
