i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
