a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
