You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
