you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
