I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
