new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
