I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
