I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
