I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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