Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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