I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
