I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
