So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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