the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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