i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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