was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
