so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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