this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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