you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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