apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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