never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
