sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
