Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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