So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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