Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
