i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
