you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it hurts more in the daytime
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
