he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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