You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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