I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
