ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
