at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my sisters under your porch take her home
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize