Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
