There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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