census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
