she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
