please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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