dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
