just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My liver just had a heart attack.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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