The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
