The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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