Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
