I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
