Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
