Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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