hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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