Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
