so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize