dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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