Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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