i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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