My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
