when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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